A relationship usually comes to an end after one argument or personality quirk. The greater the number of arguments and incidents, the greater the risk of a breakup.
Soft problems are problems that are capable of being solved using general solutions, such as solving the problem of convincing someone else of the rightness of your position. Conversely, hard problems are those that require a specialized approach in order to overcome and are normally not able to be solved by using general solutions. This is something that everyone from Albert Einstein to Bill Nye agrees on.
“Problems of the utmost difficulty are those that involve the use of drugs, being involved in an affair, and addiction,” according to Zrenchik. Problems that are particularly hard are ones that impede human flourishing. Relationships have long-term effects on individuals as well as relationships. Feelings of loneliness, discomfort, loss of interest in having sex, inconsequential arguments, poor communication, and other barriers to communication that fall under the term “soft problems” when it comes to breaking up.
However, do any of them cause harm to the mind or emotions to suggest it’s time to end things? Whether you want to take control of the relationship yourself or leave it up to your partner to decide, these following ideas can help you find the answer.
1. You Disagree on Something Fundamental About the Future
One of the biggest issues that people face is deciding whether or not to get married or have children, but there may be other early obstacles that are just as if not more important to think about. As stated, this is only one of many potential situations where you may find yourself in a quandary. The differences between the two of you are irreconcilable. You don’t want to get into an argument about problems that are difficult to correct because of the “early data.”
2. You’re Flinching From Their Touch
The frequency and quality of sex ebbs and flows in a relationship, and it’s normal (if unpleasant) to go through a dry spell. But if the very idea makes you sick? “It’s very hard to fake being turned on, because your body actually responds in a certain way,” Zrenchik says, “And that needs to be addressed.” Any visible repulsion for your partner is bound to be exceedingly hurtful to them, making it even less likely they’ll try again in the future.
3. The Flame is Long Gone
“This idea that happy marriages need the butterflies in your stomach and an overwhelming sense of joy when you see your partner? This is actually a relatively new idea,” Zrenchik says. “In the beginning, people will feel heavy passion, the butterflies, the giggling, sharing text messages, and then over time, you will notice that will change. And that’s not necessarily a bad sign.” However, if you’re not putting in the effort to keep things romantic—dinner dates, long conversations, celebrating anniversaries— “it’s really hard to get that passion back,” once the flame is out, says Zrenchik.
4. Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Work on Problems
“As long as the two people involved want to work on it, just about any problem can be solved,” Zrenchik says. “However, I often see couples in which one partner’s mind is already made up.” This begs the question, “Why come into couple’s therapy if one or both partners are unsure if they want to be in the relationship?” Even if you have tried for some time on your end to improve the relationship and have seen no change after many months, you are still entitled to seriously consider whether you want to stay.